Sweatiness

As I sat today and pondered the mysteries of life, one thing became abundantly clear to me. It was damned hot! I was sweating profusely. The humidity here is wretched. Do you know, that if you have problems with sweatiness and you don't take precautions, you could develope a phoenomenon known as SSS {Sweaty Sack Syndrome}. I highly recomend a good talc based powder for those troublesome areas, but caution is advised. To much of this product will result in crack spackle. I personally like the medicated kind with all of the essential oils, like menthol and eucalyptus. It'll make you tingle. Nothing like tingling. Try it.

Don't get me wrong, a good sweat can be beneficial. It clears your body of all of the toxins that you have ingested during your day in the real world. Like french fries, quarter pounders and sno balls. I used to sweat a lot at the gym. I was just like the rest of them. You know who they are. The all swole up, cut like Cena, just one more rep, all dressed up in mismatched Nike apparel, with a doo-rag on, weight lifter men. One day me and some of my fellow sweat-niks, were standing there at the bench press doing one more {I swear} rep, when this NFG comes walking in. He was wearing Spandex. I'm not sure what would possess a grown man to slip into a suit made of shiny nylon with colored stars across the front, blue stripes down the back and walk out into the middle of a bunch testosterone spewing muscle heads. You might have heard a few giggles at this point. I'm sure of that. I have to admit though, it took a lot of balls.

If you are going to do this, at least look the part. No pot bellies. Please. Also, no color coordinated accessories. That's just not good form. Even the chicks will give you a funny look.

I used to go to the gym for all of the right reasons. I wanted to get back into shape for one thing. Then it kind of became an obsession. After I muscled up a little bit, the first thing that I did was go out and get a really massive tattoo on my arm. A Dragon. Cool. Everone knows when you have a new tattoo. It's all covered in cocobutter. It's shiny and swolen. You can cover it with a hoodie and show it off when its healed up. Then, they don't think that you went and got one just because you go to the gym. A new tattoo is a sure sign of gym obsession. In fact it's one of the first signs. It only gets worse from there. Sports logos, cut up t-shirts and then most ominuous of all; belly shirts. It's over then. You are obsessed.

Then comes the muscle enhancers, creatine was my favorite. Mix it in a health shake. Man, your veins pop all out in you neck and the effects are awesome. Pretty soon you look like the Hulk, just as he's getting all angry and ripping out of his pants. Your bro's will look at you and whisper behind your back; "He's on roids, I bet he's got small nuts."


Funny things happen at the gym. One day I was in the hot tub enjoying a good soak. It's great. There was this old man on the other end of it. He was sitting there talking to me. We had a pretty cool talk going on for a good while. Then he looked at his watch and said; "I gotta go...see ya". He stood up and stepped out. Butt naked. He was all saggy and stuff. Old men don't need to walk around with their junk hanging out, it's just not right. I'm scarred from that.

Here in South Georgia, the humidity is nauseating. Things start to mildew if you don't keep them dry. I try to remember that.